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Redneck Church


You might be in a redneck church if . . .
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1. The doors are never locked.
2. The Call to Worship is ,"Y'all come on in!"
3. People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the Ark.
4. The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the
offering" - and five guys stand up.
5. The restroom is outside.
6. Opening day of deer hunting season is recognized as an official
church holiday.
7. A member requests to be buried in his four-wheel drive truck
because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out of".
8. In the annual stewardship drive there is at least one pledge of
"two calves"
9. Never in its entire 100-year history has one of its pastors had
to buy any meat or vegetables.
10. When it rains, everybody's smiling.
11. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every
worship service.
12. A singing group is known as "The O.K. Chorale."
13. The church directory doesn't have last names.
14. The pastor wears boots.
15. Four generations of one family sit together in worship every
Sunday.
16. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is
during the summer and then only so their Neighbors can't leave them
a bag of squash.
17. There is no such thing as a "secret'' sin.
18. Baptism is referred to as "branding.''
19. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
20. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
21. You miss worship one Sunday morning and by 2 o'clock that
afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your
health.
22. High notes on the organ set dogs in the parking lot to howling.
23. People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000 whether the two fish
were bass or catfish.
24. It's not heaven, but you can see heaven from there.
25. The final words, of the benediction are, "Y'all come on back
now, ya hear!"